Article by Dr. Albert Liau
Good behaviour can be generally defined as acting in a way that is socially, culturally or, in the case of children, developmentally appropriate. As a responsible parent, it is your duty to teach your child what is acceptable behaviour at an early age.
When your child exhibits bad behaviour, you should first investigate if there is a reason for it, such as being bullied in school. Perhaps your child is sad or anxious due to a troubling issue like the death of a pet, or a tense family relationship at home. If you discover that mere disobedience was the cause, then an appropriate punishment may be appropriate.
While punishing bad behaviour does work, rewards can be a powerful tool for reinforcing good behaviour. Young children learn by association, and just as they learn to avoid bad behaviour due to its association to punishment, associating good behaviour to a desirable reward can be a great motivator.
There are a few types of rewards available to parents – praise, activity rewards and material rewards. As a rule, praise and activity rewards should be used more often than material rewards to avoid spoiling children. Parents should also refrain from using money or sweets as a reward.
More than a simple reward/punishment system, I strongly advise parents to strike a balance between rewarding behaviour and teaching children to develop a sense of self-satisfaction for a job well done, or for good behaviour. Children should not be reliant only on external motivators, like the promise of a reward, to behave well.
Here are some expert tips on rewarding good behaviour:
- Show the desired behaviour and be a role model. Rewards are going to be ineffective if parents are not modelling the desired behaviour.
- Praise and encouragement is often the best reward for young kids. There are many ways to do this aside from saying it verbally. A kiss or a hug, a smile, a thumbs-up, a high-five, or even a wink all communicate your approval and can make your child feel good. You can make even an older child can feel good by including an encouraging note in his lunch box.
- You can devise a simple reward system in the form of marking stars on a wall calendar every time your child does something good. When he has accumulated enough stars for the week, you can give him an activity reward such as a visit to the playground or extra time in the bathtub.
- Choose a specific behaviour you want to change. When teaching your child good behaviour, be as specific as possible to help him understand what you expect from him.
- When applying a reward/punishment system, be firm and keep your word. Being soft in the way you enforce the rules may encourage him to test your resolve.
- Be consistent to avoid confusion. Communicate to all family members and caregivers your action plan so that they will also demonstrate the same actions when rewarding a particular behaviour.
- Bad behaviour is sometimes a call for your attention, which is a reward in itself.
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