A Total Reflection of My Baby

I was looking at her as she sleeps soundly on my chest. Many times when I did that, I felt joy beyond words.

Yes... on the way home from supper on 1st January 2009, this memory became fresh in my mind....

Somewhere on January 2007.... I thought I was pregnant.... we did the pregnancy test at home.... and the doctor later confirmed it! WOW! How exciting! How happy we all were!! I was 4 1/2 weeks pregnant, and at that time, I couldn't wait to tell the whole world about this good news! I started reading more about being pregnant and yes, I was only 4 1/2 weeks pregnant and I was excited all over!

About 1 1/2 weeks later, I started getting signs of bleeding... I got worried. I read about spotting and prayed that it would only be that. A day later, the bleeding became heavier and I knew at that time, something was really wrong. Hubby and I prayed so hard that God will save the baby. My in-laws came over to our house and everyone started praying... I remembered so vividly of how sorrowful it felt then and we prayed to God for a miracle to happen. At that time I told the Lord, I don't mind the suffering... I don't mind if I had to go through any pain.... yes, any pain at all... and all I hoped for in return was just save my baby. That was all that matters then. Though it was just the beginning stage of pregnancy, I already felt so close to my baby. It was a life that I was carrying, and to take it away from me would kill a part of me.... Yes, I experienced a little of what a mother's love was like... The following day, we went to see the gynae, and he said that I just had a miscarriage. Our hearts dropped when we heard that.... We wanted a second opinion and we went to see another gynae, and he said the same thing... Hubby and I went home feeling helpless. We cried but that was all we could do then. I was given 2 weeks off by my good boss to rest at home so that I would recover my health fully. I know that my life is in God's hands and that I must learn to surrender my life and my all to Him. It was just within a few days that I started regaining back my strength and confidence. Hubby and I believed God has taken control. Hubby told me that we will start it right the next round. Let us commit everything into His hands. We started praying more together in preparation to be new parents. God did wonders in our situation. He turned things around... from a bitter situation to something so sweet. We took it positively and looked upon God for a new life coming our way. Pastor Dexter sent me a message when I got the miscarriage: "God gives the best!" Upon seeing that SMS, hubby and I claimed that Word and believed that God will give us only the best. Amen!

It wasn't easy to share this at all... it was harder back then - that whenever I face anyone who was expecting or carrying a baby - I would cry in my heart and asked God, "Why?" A few months after the incident, there was Mother's Day celebration at church. It seemed like the toughest day of my life! I'm sharing this today because I know some of us may experience moments of mournings, moments of sorrows, but as we turn our hearts to Jesus, He will bless us with joy in abundance! Let this new year be a year of "turning our mourning into dancing"... :)

~Psalm 30:11-12~
You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,
To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give thanks to You forever.

Today, when I look at Sarah, my heart whispers, "You are all that matter now... God has given daddy and mummy His best...."

Thank You, Lord, for giving us this precious gift of life.